Perfectly Imperfect

About 6 months ago I released a blog highlighting my struggles with mental health. 6 months later I have just had my last session with my counsellor and in the recent light of mental health awareness week I feel it is an appropriate time to be writing this.

Things always feel easier in the summer with the longer days, the sunlight and the more uplifiting atmosphere and I certainly feel more optimistic it has been far from easy. 

I worked extremely hard for months trying to pay off my overdraft and still keep up dancing and counselling and I have had days where I have just felt totally drained and I feel stressed and I revert back to my habits of smoking or drinking or excessive unhealthy eating which I then torture myself with it later because I feel guilty after the moment had passed and felt like I needed to start all over again. I would constantly criticise my inability to save money despite paying off a huge chunk of my debt, I would tell myself I was not good enough; that I will never be a successful photographer, that I would never be the best dancer that my body is not as good as it could be and that I should be healthier and this would happen within a space of minutes so you can imagine how stressful that would be for someone struggling with themselves and the thing is we are so good at hiding it especially with social media and the stigmas brought around with mental health.

I think the fact is that the anxiety the self pressure and the negative garbage we feed ourselves never really goes away and we can be so trapped in our heads and the solution may be simple to someone else but to you it feels like climbing mount everest.

6 months ago life felt overwhelming today I feel like I have a very optimistic future and I have so much to look forward to but tomorrow I may feel like my life is horrible that's the struggle with living with mental health issues however being open about it makes a hell of a difference! 

I still don't have a tonne of money in the bank but I have so many amazing people in my life who have supported me throughout my struggles. i recently lost my Grandpa but his memory lives on through me and my family and I know he would be proud of everyone in my family for working hard, fighting though our mental health struggles and doing the things we are passionate about.

I kept up my dancing and it feels so empowering to have a space to just express my personality.

 Having a counselor let me open up about my weird and wonderful mind and let me feel like it was totally okay to be again. 

Getting outside, trying to make the most of my free time and trying to develop my photography has really helped me to realise what I am passionate about and the experiences and memories I will always take with me to build on.

If you are struggling with mental health if you feel anxious, if you are worried, if you are struggling with self doubt ignore the stigma and don't wait for a mental health awareness day on social media it is so important to talk about it as much as you can and get the help do that you can to be the best version of yourself and start living life to your fullest ability because let's face it..

We are all perfectly imperfect!